Mr Donk: What the hell were you thinking, calling me with that garbage!? Didn’t you see me raise before the flop?
Me: Yes, I saw perfectly. But I happened to get lucky, what do you want me to do?
Mr Donk: Damn right, you got lucky!
Me: Look, I flopped a flush draw, and you weren’t betting it. So I bet it for you. By the time you check-raised me all-in, I was more-or-less pot-committed.
Mr Donk: Whatever the hell that means … look, kid, a flush draw is only, like seven outs. You have to learn how to lay those down.
Me: Seven outs? I’m pretty sure it’s nine …
Mr Donk: No, it’s seven, smart guy. How many clubs are in the deck?
Me: Uh, thirteen.
Mr Donk: Right, and how many on the board?
Me. Two! Plus two in my hand is four … leaving me with nine outs. Do the math!
Mr Donk: Thirteen … four … well sure, but how many people are at the table? Ten. You have to think about how many people are at the table, probably holding clubs. So fewer clubs that you can hit. Free lesson for you, son.
My jaw drops.
Me: Are you kidding me?
Mr Donk: No, I’m no kidding you at all. You really ought to learn to play better before you lose what little money you have.
Me: Whatever, man. Nicely played, sir.
Mr Donk: That’s right, you should call me ‘sir.’ I’ve earned it.
Me: Why, because you’re a man? Haha, I’d call any guy 'sir' if I felt like it, so don't feel special. I mean, congratulations – you were born with a penis!
Mr Donk: No, you little punk. Look at me. Look at my haircut. What the hell do you think I do for a living?
He’s sporting a crew cut.
Me: I guess ex-military, something like that?
Sgt Donk: Try current military. You should show a little more respect. Don’t you know what weekend this is?
Me: Memorial Day.
Sgt Donk: That’s right.
Me: What does that have to do with you? Are you dead? Were you killed in combat?
Sgt Donk: Do you know the meaning of the term 'veteran'? Memorial Day means you show respect for all military personnel that have been in combat, past and present.
Me: No it doesn’t! That’s Veteran’s Day, you twit! This is Memorial Day … as a military guy I would think you’d know the difference. Don’t talk to me any more, you don’t have the capacity to have an intelligent conversation with me. A flopped flush draw is nine outs, SIR. That’s the last free poker lesson I’m going to give you today.
Sgt Donk: Kid, what do you do for a living.
Me: I take stacks off dumbasses like yourself.
Sgt Donk: So you’re a professional, huh? What are you doing in such a low stakes game then?
Me: I’m in Vegas … I’m on vacation. I’m playing here for fun.
Sgt Donk: I see.
Some time passes, we trade a few more barbs here and there. He builds his stack back up as his hands hold up. I don’t play a hand for about an hour or so. Finally, I flop middle pair and an open-ended straight draw in middle position. I raise Sgt. Donk’s bet on the flop, bet the turn hard, and push all in when I miss the river. Sgt. Donk is pondering a call …
Sgt. Donk: So how much do I owe you if I call this?
Me: $130.
Sgt Donk: I see. Well, I don’t have much here, but I think I’m going to go ahead and pay you off … did you hit that King on the river? I hit the Ten on the turn …
Me: Damn it, no, I just had the 4 and the open-ender on the flop. Nice hand.
Sgt Donk: Wow, nice. So, young man – you got anything else to teach me about poker?
I pause for a moment, and all I can think about is backhanding that sneer right off his face.
Me: Yeah, actually, I do. Poker lesson number two … is never bluff an idiot.
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