Hollywood Park Casino

I've been avoiding it for a while, but it's finally time to acknowledge the establishment at which I lost my casino cherry. Billy inspired me to do so with his post about Full Tilt Poker online. You could say that fateful trip to Hollywood Park (a.k.a. "HP") was the beginning of the end for me. That drive down the 405 last July pretty much sealed my fate as a degenerate gambler for the rest of my days. I have some fond memories of the place, as well as some not-so-fond ones; it's usually like that with your first partner. You know you were terrible. They know you were terrible. So it's just a little on the awkward side. But despite my, um ... up-and-down history with HP, I'll try to be as objective in my review as possible.

Hollywood Park is located in the heart of Inglewood -- the hometown of such celebrated figures as Mack 10 and Paul Pierce. It's also the home to a racetrack, so you can always give the ponies a try if the cards aren't falling your way. It doesn't draw too many outsiders -- most of its denizens- er, patrons are from right in that area of town. HP spreads both low- and high-limit games, including Stud, Omaha 8, and Texas Hold Em (both Limit and No Limit). The food is not bad, and members of the Player's Club are comped decently. Unlike some cardrooms in the area, you can expect your card to be scanned on the hour with pretty good regularity. HP hosts plenty of tournaments, with affordable satellites, and no shortage of bad players.

The problem with this abundance of fish is what I've once heard called "schooling." That is, there are so many bad players there that profitable plays do not always remain profitable. The fish just gang up on you ... hence, schooling. If you pick up Jacks in a limit Hold Em game, for example, you can expect your pre-flop raise to be called by several people at the table. By the time the river comes, if you haven't hit a set or otherwise improved, you can be pretty sure your jacks are no longer good, even if they're an overpair. There are just so many chasers and gamblers at HP that turning a consistent profit requires both super-tight play and a fair amount of luck.

Another downside to HP is the hardly-controlled chaos of the poker room. Players will curse at you, abuse alcohol, throw cards and chips at the dealer or at other players, etc. and get away with warnings from the floorman. A female server can expect a certain level of sexual harassment at any establishment that encourages drinking, but the players at HP take this abuse to new heights. I mean lows. I've heard more indecent proposals extended at that card club than I can remember. It's a shame, really. Honestly, I feel a little icky when I come out of there. I'll resist the temptation to insert another metaphor here ...

Okay, I've blabbered enough. Time for the ratings (scale of 1 to 5):

Player Quality (x2.00): 3.0
Cardroom/Staff Quality (x1.50): 1.5
Comp Quality (x1.25): 4.0
Tournament Quality (x1.00): 3.5
Game Variety (x1.00): 3.5

Total Weighted Points: 20.25
Total Weights: 6.75

Weighted Average: 3.00.

To sum it all up, I would say that going to Hollywood Park Casino really is like your first sexual experience, or maybe like that booty call you're too embarrassed to tell your friends about. It gets the job done, but it ain't pretty.

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