Life Without Poker

One month. It’s been more than a month since I last shuffled chips. Since I bitched some wannabe when I saw through his betting patterns. Since I got bitched over and over again by bad cards, bad luck, and bad play. One month without the thrill of the river and the satisfaction of turning in for the night with a slightly more padded ‘roll.

It hasn’t been too hard to keep from playing. Mostly because I have no choice. But it is still tough. I notice we’ve gone a month without a post. The blog is dying. No one is writing. Currently another WSOP is going on. I know who the chip leader is, but I don’t really know who he is. How did the HORSE event go? And the new season of High Stakes Poker? Is online poker even still legal in the US? Have we given up the folly that would be outlawing a skill game when we allow so many other forms of gambling to be legal or do we still think that we are above the international trade laws which we attempt to lord over much of the rest of the world?

I feel out of the loop. Separate. Alone. Worse. The poker world hasn’t even noticed that I’m gone. Engelke830, Dunkleosteus, and all my other aliases fade to black. I’m still here but it’s like there is a big, translucent wall in the way. Poker is life and life is poker. But as I’m discovering, it’s not the same when no one else realizes that we are playing.

Still, I manage to find solace in small reminders. The slight twitches of facial muscles that let me know when someone is trying to overcharge this “stupid farang.” The attempts to put into words all that I feel are important to and should be a part of my poker book. The memory exercises that other, less skillful, card games which we play around the picnic table have been relegated to. Even the simple act of just shuffling cards brings some measure of elation to my pokerless life.

One month down. Fourteen to go. Fourteen months to complete my poker book. To lose any bad habits that will prevent me from resurrecting my poker career into anything short of greatness. To let the dog inside grow ravenous. Fourteen months until I attempt to resuscitate the blog. ‘Til I have to decide just where I want my poker career to journey. ‘Til stacks and stacks of chips in front of me.